Living with a Bipoplar wife.?
Catch 22!
It goes like this:
My wife and I separated due to her Bipolar Disorder and Eating Disorder, Failure to take medications regularly, poor eating habits and bazaar behavior. The Courts gave me Sole Decision making and primary residential guardian status concerning our child. After a years time my wife and I came up with a court agreed "Emergency Action Plan". Over time and much effort, we moved back in together. By Court order my wife can only be unsupervised with our child for 5 hours at a stretch. When ever we have a "normal crisis" my wife has a series of "episodes". Recently our child was diagnosed with Asthma after having had an attack resulting in an ER visit and three days in the hospital. Stressed and exhausted we made it through and my child is on the road to recovery. Sadly my wife is now down to 100lbs and showing all the classic signs of episodes and in full denial. She see's a therapist from NAMI and a Psychiatrist twice monthly or as needed. I'm not permitted to communicate with her DOC's. My wife is reporting that her care team is saying she's "fine", yet at home I see a completely different person most of the time. She's non violent yet extremely difficult to speak with, often withdrawn, depressed and almost catatonic. Then without warning she moves into the hyper-mania faze. She was sneaking out of the house at midnight or so and returning just before I get up for work. After a short time I reminded her that while she's a free person to do as she pleases within reason, she can't continue disturbing our household. I got the usual " I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk" speech. Now she's saying she needs to go out with friends to see concerts with a complete disregard for us, her family. She comes home around 2:00am most nights. She's on foot and at risk in a big city at midnight. I can't get through to her that this isn't healthy behavior and that she's placing herself at risk. I get the "blow off" whenever this subject comes up. The list could go on forever. I've read more books and had more NAMI meetings then I care to remember and further have become disgusted with her therapists if they can't see she's off her rocker lately. She's in denial about anything seeming odd to the rest of us her family. When she's in the flats of her cycle she's pretty good to be around and a wonderful Mother. When not she's frightening. I'm looking for suggestions. We've been together for nine years. I will only consider divorce if given no other choice. I can tell all of you that the gaps created by or court orders have created more problems and the potential of devastating ramification for our child if we revert to living in separate households. Five hours is long enough for anything to happen.
CATCH 22! Or Check! Help?
Answer by free_angel
Take your kid and move and file for sole custody. She's capable of doing anything and think it's fine and your kid's safety and well being should come first. Why keep leaving and moving back in together? You're only walking into the same things you walked away from.
Answer by Loraine F
Get all your information together. Even set up surveillance if need be so the judge can see how things really are in your home. You need to talk to a lawyer and see about becoming her legal guardian. She's unable to make decisions for herself, so she needs a guardian. Then you can talk to her doctors all you want, and even get her in a psychiatric ward for a thorough exam. As far as the kids go, see don't let her be alone with them. Set it up with the courts to make this so. God be with you.
Answer by magicgee
Explain to her that she needs to stop this behavior going out with friends until odd hours of the night OMG! You need to firm with her she his hurting your family. Your child cannot grow up thinking this is how relations are so post to be and follow YOUR pattern. Make a change now for your child's sake.
Answer by presleygirl
According to you, you have done just about all you can. I'm glad that you honor marriage and you don't take the bail out route. She needs to be in a safe, peaceful, possibly non-threatening environment. Stay away from therapists and meetings, they'll drive you out of your mind. Is there any possible way you could move from the big city to a quiet little town? we did, all you can hear are the crickets, lol and a far off distant train occasionally, houses are very cheap [southern Va.] and your wife can walk around to her hearts delight. Everything is slower, people are non-threatening. She won't change internally so you have to change her surroundings. Also please go to a good church, pray to Jesus, He cares for you and your family. Solid spiritual counseling is beneficial & can change your life. Don't abandon this suffering woman, only 100 pounds, I hope at least it's fruits and vegs. If not for you. she'd have no life at all. You're more than a father, you are a husband, this is the test of a true man.
Answer by Christian F
The most important person in your household is your child. Although your wife is a good mother while in some stages of her disease, her behavior will eventually be detrimental to your daughter. It is clear that your wife has the ability to be a wonderful person but she is very ill and the nature of her disease in unpredictable. I am the daughter of a bipolar mother with bulimia, I love my mother with all of my heart but I thank God for my father everyday because he shielded me from her while I was still too young to understand what my Mom was going through. If you have to, I would suggest to 51-50 your wife as often as you think she is a danger to herself, whenever you think she has stopped taking her medication, when you think she is not eating enough to sustain her body, you have rights, you deserve a healthy wife. Sometimes with this disease they cannot comprehend what is best for them. Keep her healthy and keep your daughter safe.
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